Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer that I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery, and all their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink all this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
--- Babe Ruth
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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they get up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
--- Lyndon B. Johnson
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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
--- Paul Horning
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"24 hours in the day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think NOT."
--- H.L. Mencken
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"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to Heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to Heaven."
--- George Bernard Shaw
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"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
--- Benjamin Franklin
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"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
--- Dave Barry
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"Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 300 B.C.!"
--- W.C.Fields
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"Remember, 'I' before 'E', except in 'Budweiser'".
--- Professor Irwin Corey
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"To some it's a 6-pack, to me it's a Support Group:- Salvation in a can."
--- Leo Durocher
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"Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that get killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing off of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. The excessive intake of alcohol, as we all know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks and kills the slowest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weakest brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That's why you feel smarter after a few beers."
--- Cliff Clavern (explaining his 'Buffalo Theory' to his pal Norm, at Cheers.)
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Deeper Thoughts
No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
There are no new sins ... The old ones just get more publicity.
There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.
Think about this... No one ever says "It's only a game" when his team is winning.
I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.
The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of Grandmothers running around with tattoos?
Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than in a Yugo.
There are no new sins ... The old ones just get more publicity.
There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.
Think about this... No one ever says "It's only a game" when his team is winning.
I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.
The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of Grandmothers running around with tattoos?
Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than in a Yugo.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Some Deep Thoughts
Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.
Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.
If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.
Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Southern States
A North Carolina redneck died and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow. However, she can't touch it until she turns 14.
Folks in Georgia now go to some movies in groups of 18 or more. They were told 17 and under are not admitted.
The minimum drinking age in Tennessee has been raised to 32. It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
In Mississippi, reruns of "Hee Haw" are called documentaries.
How can you tell if a West Virginia redneck is married? There's dried tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup truck.
Tennessee has a new $3,000,000 State Lottery. The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.
Recently, the Governor's Mansion in Little Rock burned down. In fact, it took out the whole trailer park.
The best thing to ever come out of Arkansas is Interstate 40.
An Alabama State Trooper stopped a pickup truck. He asked the driver, "Got any ID?" The driver said, "'Bout what?"
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Makes Sense To Me...
This was written by a construction worker in Fort MacMurray- he sure makes a lot of sense to me!
I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit. In order to earn that pay cheque, I work on a rig site for a FortMac construction project. I am required to pass a random urine test, with which I have no problem. What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test. Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare cheque because I have to pass one to earn it for them? Please understand -- I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet. I do on the other hand have a problem with helping someone sit on their ass drinking beer and smoking dope. Could you imagine how much money the provinces would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance cheque?
I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit. In order to earn that pay cheque, I work on a rig site for a FortMac construction project. I am required to pass a random urine test, with which I have no problem. What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test. Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare cheque because I have to pass one to earn it for them? Please understand -- I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet. I do on the other hand have a problem with helping someone sit on their ass drinking beer and smoking dope. Could you imagine how much money the provinces would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance cheque?
Friday, January 21, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Common Sense from Andy Rooney
I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America; and see what happens... Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door.
Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.
I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, that is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts! ARE YOU LISTENING MARTHA BURKE?
I have the right "NOT" to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off. When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling, it is the Law of Probability.
I believe that if you are selling me a milkshake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen, you should have to speak English! My father and grandfather didn't die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours.
I think the police should have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word "freeze" or "stop" in English, see the above lines. I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business. We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document; and open to their interpretations.
I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor. I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't stop you from watching them. I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better, and put your name on the building.
It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid; and smack their little behinds when necessary, and say "NO!"
I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And, please, stay home until that new lip ring heals. I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me French fries!
I am sick of "Political Correctness." I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa; so how can they be "African-Americans"? Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe.
I am proud to be from America and nowhere else. And if you don't like my point of view, tough... THEN DON'T PASS IT ON!!
New Rules for 2011
New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. It's because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.
New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout? Luckily, it was only a finger! If it was a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive.
New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.
New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket; water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.
New Rule: Stop messing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his butt will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.
New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.
New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy. Paper, plastic? I don't have time for that. I've just been called to do a cleanup on Aisle Nine!
New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.
New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.
New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking up the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people’s version of looting.
New Rule: (And this one is long overdue) No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Why The Wife Won't Warm Up The Car Any More.
These pictures were taken just outside Courtenay, British Columbia. Courtenay is a town about 70 miles north of Nanaimo, on beautiful Vancouver Island.
Stress Management That WORKS!
In this increasingly stressful world, we often feel ourselves close to the breaking point. Psychologists at the University of Albion have developed a program which they claim reduces stress quickly and effectively. Here it is:
1. Picture yourself near a stream.
2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.
3. No one but you knows your secret place.
4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called "the World."
5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
6. The water is crystal clear.
7. You can easily make out the face of the person you're holding underwater.
8. See.....it does help.....
Friday, January 14, 2011
The New PASTA Diet
1) You walka pasta da bakery.
2) You walka pasta da candy store.
3) You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop.
4) You walka pasta da table and fridge.
And for those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all the conflicting medical studies:
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausage and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Church Bulletin Bloopers
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church service.
The Fasting &Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
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The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be
"What Is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours "
The Fasting &Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be
"What Is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours "
Monday, January 10, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
Three More of Gardner's Best Puzzles
1. An old riddle runs as follows: "An explorer walks one mile due south, turns and walks one mile due east, turns again and walks one mile due north. He finds himself back where he started. He sees a bear ahead and shoots it. What color is the bear?"
The time-honored answer is of course, "White," because the explorer must have started at the North Pole. But recently someone made the discovery that the North Pole is not the only starting point that satisfies the given conditions!
Can you think of any other spot on the globe from which one could walk a mile south, a mile east, a mile north and find himself back at his original location?
2. A young man lives in Manhattan near a subway express station. He has 2 girlfriends, one in the Bronx, one in Brooklyn. To visit the girl in Brooklyn, he takes a train on the downtown side of the platform; to visit the girl in the Bronx, he takes a train on the uptown side of the same platform. Since he likes both girls equally well, he simply takes the first train that comes along. In this way he lets chance determine whether he rides to the Bronx or to Brooklyn.
The young man reaches the subway platform at a random moment each Saturday afternoon, and Brooklyn and Bronx trains arrive at the station equally often - every 10 minutes. Yet for some obscure reason he finds himself spending most of his time with the girl in Brooklyn; in fact he goes there 9 times out of 10. Can you give a valid explanation why the odds so heavily favor Brooklyn?
3. An airplane flies in a straight line from airport A to airport B, then back in a straight line from B to A. It travels with a constant engine speed and there is no wind. Will its travel time for the same round trip be greater, less, or the same if there is a constant wind from direction A to B?
Those who think they have a correct solution to one or more of these are asked to post their solution(s) in the comment section; those who would like a hint or a solution can request same from the Puzzlist.
The time-honored answer is of course, "White," because the explorer must have started at the North Pole. But recently someone made the discovery that the North Pole is not the only starting point that satisfies the given conditions!
Can you think of any other spot on the globe from which one could walk a mile south, a mile east, a mile north and find himself back at his original location?
2. A young man lives in Manhattan near a subway express station. He has 2 girlfriends, one in the Bronx, one in Brooklyn. To visit the girl in Brooklyn, he takes a train on the downtown side of the platform; to visit the girl in the Bronx, he takes a train on the uptown side of the same platform. Since he likes both girls equally well, he simply takes the first train that comes along. In this way he lets chance determine whether he rides to the Bronx or to Brooklyn.
The young man reaches the subway platform at a random moment each Saturday afternoon, and Brooklyn and Bronx trains arrive at the station equally often - every 10 minutes. Yet for some obscure reason he finds himself spending most of his time with the girl in Brooklyn; in fact he goes there 9 times out of 10. Can you give a valid explanation why the odds so heavily favor Brooklyn?
3. An airplane flies in a straight line from airport A to airport B, then back in a straight line from B to A. It travels with a constant engine speed and there is no wind. Will its travel time for the same round trip be greater, less, or the same if there is a constant wind from direction A to B?
Those who think they have a correct solution to one or more of these are asked to post their solution(s) in the comment section; those who would like a hint or a solution can request same from the Puzzlist.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Friday, December 24, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Words That Make You Go DUH - 3
1. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
2. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
3. A calendar's days are numbered.
4. A lot of money is tainted: 'Tain't yours and 'tain't mine.
5. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
6. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
7. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
8. If you jump off a bridge in Paris, you are in Seine.
9. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
10. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
11. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
12. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
2. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
3. A calendar's days are numbered.
4. A lot of money is tainted: 'Tain't yours and 'tain't mine.
5. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
6. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
7. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
8. If you jump off a bridge in Paris, you are in Seine.
9. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
10. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
11. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
12. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Words That Make You Go DUH - 2
1. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
2. The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
3. The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
4. If you take a laptop computer on your run, you could jog your memory.
5. The dentist and the manicurist fought tooth and nail.
6. A bicycle can't stand alone, it is two tired.
7. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
8. People who don't pay their exorcists can get repossessed.
9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
10. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
11. The guy who fell into that upholstery machine has fully recovered.
12. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
2. The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
3. The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
4. If you take a laptop computer on your run, you could jog your memory.
5. The dentist and the manicurist fought tooth and nail.
6. A bicycle can't stand alone, it is two tired.
7. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
8. People who don't pay their exorcists can get repossessed.
9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
10. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
11. The guy who fell into that upholstery machine has fully recovered.
12. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Thank God for President Obama
These thoughts come from a very wise, 82-year-old grandmother. She presents her opinion on the job President Obama is doing as follows:
That is right, I will say it. Thank God for this President!
1. He destroyed the Clinton political machine, driving a stake through Hillary's Presidential aspirations, which is something no Republican has been able to do. Just remember when a Hillary Presidency scared the living daylights out of you?
2. He killed off the Kennedy dynasty - no more Kennedys trolling Washington looking for booze and young women wanting rides home. American women and freedom are both safer tonight.
3. He is destroying the Democratic Party before our eyes.
Dennis Moore has never lost a race - quit!
Evan Bayh has never lost a race - quit!
Byron Dorgon has never lost a race - quit!
These are just a few of the Democrats whose political careers Obama has destroyed, even before the November elections, where the largest Democratic turnover in 70 years took place.
In December 2008, the Democrats were on the rise, and celebrated Obama's election as their Decade in the Sun. They had picked up 14 Senate seats and 52 House seats, and their supporters in the nationwide press touted the death of the Conservative Movement and the GOP. Well, once elected as President, Obama put an end to this in 2 short years, gave Americans the incentive to form the Tea Parties, end the Senate majority and to completely take over the House.
4. President Obama has exposed liberals and progressives for what they are, and every generation seems to need to re-learn why they should never put liberals in power.
Liberals tax, borrow and spend - CHECK!
Liberals refuse to protect America - CHECK!
Liberals want to take over the economy - CHECK!
Liberals think we're stupid and want to dictate what's good for us - CHECK!
Liberals are never happy until they wind up running YOUR life - CHECK!
5. President Obama has returned more Americans back to conservatism than anyone since Ronald Reagan. In his first year in office, he totally rejuvenated the Conservative Movement and brought millions of previously complacent Americans into the streets in peaceful protests to Take Back America. Go back in your memory and think of any other president who sparked patriotic fervor to that extent!
6. His erratic leadership has sparked the greatest period of firearm and ammunition sales this country has ever seen. Law abiding citizens have provided a 'stimulus' to the sporting goods field while other industries have gone into decline, failed or moved off-shore. The reason Americans are arming themselves is to protect themselves from Obama's socialist vision of our country.
7. In all honesty, one year ago I was more afraid than I have ever been in my entire life. Not of the economy but of the direction our great country was going. I thought Americans had all forgotten what this country was all about. My good friends and neighbors, and even strangers I met on the street and while shopping soon proved to me that my lack of confidence of the Greatness and Wisdom of America's Founders and her people was flat out WRONG.
8. When Americans wake up, no telepromter-reading snake-oil salesman can fool them for long!
Barak Obama woke up these great Americans! Again I want to say THANK YOU, Mr. PRESIDENT. This was exactly the HOPE & CHANGE we needed.
That is right, I will say it. Thank God for this President!
1. He destroyed the Clinton political machine, driving a stake through Hillary's Presidential aspirations, which is something no Republican has been able to do. Just remember when a Hillary Presidency scared the living daylights out of you?
2. He killed off the Kennedy dynasty - no more Kennedys trolling Washington looking for booze and young women wanting rides home. American women and freedom are both safer tonight.
3. He is destroying the Democratic Party before our eyes.
Dennis Moore has never lost a race - quit!
Evan Bayh has never lost a race - quit!
Byron Dorgon has never lost a race - quit!
These are just a few of the Democrats whose political careers Obama has destroyed, even before the November elections, where the largest Democratic turnover in 70 years took place.
In December 2008, the Democrats were on the rise, and celebrated Obama's election as their Decade in the Sun. They had picked up 14 Senate seats and 52 House seats, and their supporters in the nationwide press touted the death of the Conservative Movement and the GOP. Well, once elected as President, Obama put an end to this in 2 short years, gave Americans the incentive to form the Tea Parties, end the Senate majority and to completely take over the House.
4. President Obama has exposed liberals and progressives for what they are, and every generation seems to need to re-learn why they should never put liberals in power.
Liberals tax, borrow and spend - CHECK!
Liberals refuse to protect America - CHECK!
Liberals want to take over the economy - CHECK!
Liberals think we're stupid and want to dictate what's good for us - CHECK!
Liberals are never happy until they wind up running YOUR life - CHECK!
5. President Obama has returned more Americans back to conservatism than anyone since Ronald Reagan. In his first year in office, he totally rejuvenated the Conservative Movement and brought millions of previously complacent Americans into the streets in peaceful protests to Take Back America. Go back in your memory and think of any other president who sparked patriotic fervor to that extent!
6. His erratic leadership has sparked the greatest period of firearm and ammunition sales this country has ever seen. Law abiding citizens have provided a 'stimulus' to the sporting goods field while other industries have gone into decline, failed or moved off-shore. The reason Americans are arming themselves is to protect themselves from Obama's socialist vision of our country.
7. In all honesty, one year ago I was more afraid than I have ever been in my entire life. Not of the economy but of the direction our great country was going. I thought Americans had all forgotten what this country was all about. My good friends and neighbors, and even strangers I met on the street and while shopping soon proved to me that my lack of confidence of the Greatness and Wisdom of America's Founders and her people was flat out WRONG.
8. When Americans wake up, no telepromter-reading snake-oil salesman can fool them for long!
Barak Obama woke up these great Americans! Again I want to say THANK YOU, Mr. PRESIDENT. This was exactly the HOPE & CHANGE we needed.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Words That Make You Go DUH
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a daycare where a three-year old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's Court was Sir Circumference.
The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they often take debate.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden can be charged with stalking.
We'll never run out of math teachers because they can multiply.
Police were called to a daycare where a three-year old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's Court was Sir Circumference.
The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they often take debate.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden can be charged with stalking.
We'll never run out of math teachers because they can multiply.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Wacky Wordies #3
As before, readers of this blog who would like to post their solutions may do so by entering their answers in the Comments section below. Those who can't figure out any wacky wordie can get the correct answer by emailing puzzlist.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Solutions to those Deep Questions
1. Exactly how much is a king's ransom?
While returning from his third crusade, Richard the Lion-Hearted was captured by Duke Leopold of Austria and held for ransom by the Holy Roman Emperor, Henry VI. Money for his release was obtained by taxing Richard's subjects and confiscating the churches' vessels and jewels. The amount of the ransom was in the order of 150,000 marks (over $5 million in today's currency.) This ransom, together with the cost of the crusades, virtually bankrupted England.
2. How flat is a pancake, exactly?
The standard pancake served at the International House of Pancakes is about a quarter-inch high and measures about 5 inches in diameter.
3. How deep is skin-deep?
The human dermis is from one-sixteenth to one-eighth of an inch in thickness. A normal adult has about 18 square feet of skin, weighing approximately 6 lbs.
4. How high is the moon?
On average, the moon is 238,857 miles from earth. The highest mountains on the moon are near the lunar south pole in the Liebnitz and Doerfel Ranges, and are over 26,000 feet high.
5. How quick is a wink?
Winks normally range from 0.3 to 0.4 seconds if we are to believe 'Adler's Physiology of the Eye', edited by Robert E. Moses.
6. How hot is a pistol?
There is a wide range of answers here, depending on make of pistol, type, caliber, bullet type and rate of fire. A gun salesman at a gun dealership was asked how hot the barrel of a .38 caliber police special would get if the entire load was fired as fast as possible and he replied, "Too hot to handle."
7. How long is a coon's age?
Racoons live up to 13 years in the wild.
8. How high is a child who is knee-high to a grasshopper?
An entomologist at the American Museum of Natural History in New York says that there are over 120,000 species of grasshopper, and the length of the tibia ranges from less than a millimetre to more than 2.5 centimetres (about an inch).
9. How fast is a snail's pace?
The average land snail moves about 2 inches per minute. Apparently the Costa Rican Mountain Snail (Velifera gabbi), a mere one-eighth of an inch in diameter, can scoot about 18 inches per minute when threatened by sunlight.
10. How far between the devil and the deep blue sea?
"The devil" refers to Scylla, an Italian rock just across the Strait of Messina from the whirlpool located off Cape Peloro, Sicily,that is referred to as the"deep blue sea." About 4 miles.
11. At what point did the straw break the camel's back?
Camels are beasts of burden in the Middle East, where normally they are laden with 240 to 1200 lbs. The record for camel capacity in Australia is 1904 pounds. Any straw added after this would probably do the trick.
12. After how many a summer dies the swan?
After 25 to 30 summer dies the swan. Pigs are not so lucky: their life expectancy is 10-27 years.
Now you know the answers to some Deep Questions, aren't you glad?
While returning from his third crusade, Richard the Lion-Hearted was captured by Duke Leopold of Austria and held for ransom by the Holy Roman Emperor, Henry VI. Money for his release was obtained by taxing Richard's subjects and confiscating the churches' vessels and jewels. The amount of the ransom was in the order of 150,000 marks (over $5 million in today's currency.) This ransom, together with the cost of the crusades, virtually bankrupted England.
2. How flat is a pancake, exactly?
The standard pancake served at the International House of Pancakes is about a quarter-inch high and measures about 5 inches in diameter.
3. How deep is skin-deep?
The human dermis is from one-sixteenth to one-eighth of an inch in thickness. A normal adult has about 18 square feet of skin, weighing approximately 6 lbs.
4. How high is the moon?
On average, the moon is 238,857 miles from earth. The highest mountains on the moon are near the lunar south pole in the Liebnitz and Doerfel Ranges, and are over 26,000 feet high.
5. How quick is a wink?
Winks normally range from 0.3 to 0.4 seconds if we are to believe 'Adler's Physiology of the Eye', edited by Robert E. Moses.
6. How hot is a pistol?
There is a wide range of answers here, depending on make of pistol, type, caliber, bullet type and rate of fire. A gun salesman at a gun dealership was asked how hot the barrel of a .38 caliber police special would get if the entire load was fired as fast as possible and he replied, "Too hot to handle."
7. How long is a coon's age?
Racoons live up to 13 years in the wild.
8. How high is a child who is knee-high to a grasshopper?
An entomologist at the American Museum of Natural History in New York says that there are over 120,000 species of grasshopper, and the length of the tibia ranges from less than a millimetre to more than 2.5 centimetres (about an inch).
9. How fast is a snail's pace?
The average land snail moves about 2 inches per minute. Apparently the Costa Rican Mountain Snail (Velifera gabbi), a mere one-eighth of an inch in diameter, can scoot about 18 inches per minute when threatened by sunlight.
10. How far between the devil and the deep blue sea?
"The devil" refers to Scylla, an Italian rock just across the Strait of Messina from the whirlpool located off Cape Peloro, Sicily,that is referred to as the"deep blue sea." About 4 miles.
11. At what point did the straw break the camel's back?
Camels are beasts of burden in the Middle East, where normally they are laden with 240 to 1200 lbs. The record for camel capacity in Australia is 1904 pounds. Any straw added after this would probably do the trick.
12. After how many a summer dies the swan?
After 25 to 30 summer dies the swan. Pigs are not so lucky: their life expectancy is 10-27 years.
Now you know the answers to some Deep Questions, aren't you glad?
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Three of Martin Gardner's Best Puzzles
1. Two missiles speed directly towards each other, the one from the East at 9000 miles per hour and the one from the West at 21000 miles per hour. They start 1317 miles apart.
Without using pen and paper, calculate how far apart they are exactly one minute before impact. (Yes, it can be done without tiresome calculations.)
2. An unusual parlor trick may astound your friends and is performed as follows. Ask person A to write down any 3-digit number, then repeat the same numbers to make a six-digit number (e.g. 394,394). With your back turned so you cannot see the number, ask person A to pass the sheet of paper with the number on it to person B, who is then asked to divide the number by 7.
"Don't worry about the remainder," you tell him, "because there won't be any." B will be quite surprised that you are right, as he divides 394394 by 7 to obtain 56,342, with no remainder. He is asked NOT to tell you the result, but to pass the sheet to person C, who is told to divide it by 11. Once again you state that there will not be a remainder, and presto! C finds that you are right. (56,342 divided by 11 is 5,122)
With your back still turned, and no knowledge whatever of the figures obtained by all these computations, you ask a fourth person, call him D, to divide the last figure by 13. Again the division comes out even, as 5,122 divided by 13 yields 394. This final result is to be written on a slip of paper and handed to you, folded a couple of times. Without opening it, you then hand it to person A, saying "Open this up and you will find the original 3-digit number."
The real trick is to prove that this sleigh-of-mind trick cannot fail to work with any 3-digit number chosen by the first person.
3. Imagine you have 3 boxes, one containing 2 black marbles, one containing 2 white marbles, and the third containing one white and one black marble. The boxes WERE labeled for their contents- BB, WW and BW - but someone has switched the labels so that every box is incorrectly labeled.
You are allowed to take one marble from one box at a time, without looking inside, and by this process of sampling you must determine the contents of all three boxes. What is the smallest number of drawings needed to do this?
People who solve one or more of these may leave their solution(s) in the comment section. I will email anyone wishing to know a solution if you request an answer from hank5@telus.net
Without using pen and paper, calculate how far apart they are exactly one minute before impact. (Yes, it can be done without tiresome calculations.)
2. An unusual parlor trick may astound your friends and is performed as follows. Ask person A to write down any 3-digit number, then repeat the same numbers to make a six-digit number (e.g. 394,394). With your back turned so you cannot see the number, ask person A to pass the sheet of paper with the number on it to person B, who is then asked to divide the number by 7.
"Don't worry about the remainder," you tell him, "because there won't be any." B will be quite surprised that you are right, as he divides 394394 by 7 to obtain 56,342, with no remainder. He is asked NOT to tell you the result, but to pass the sheet to person C, who is told to divide it by 11. Once again you state that there will not be a remainder, and presto! C finds that you are right. (56,342 divided by 11 is 5,122)
With your back still turned, and no knowledge whatever of the figures obtained by all these computations, you ask a fourth person, call him D, to divide the last figure by 13. Again the division comes out even, as 5,122 divided by 13 yields 394. This final result is to be written on a slip of paper and handed to you, folded a couple of times. Without opening it, you then hand it to person A, saying "Open this up and you will find the original 3-digit number."
The real trick is to prove that this sleigh-of-mind trick cannot fail to work with any 3-digit number chosen by the first person.
3. Imagine you have 3 boxes, one containing 2 black marbles, one containing 2 white marbles, and the third containing one white and one black marble. The boxes WERE labeled for their contents- BB, WW and BW - but someone has switched the labels so that every box is incorrectly labeled.
You are allowed to take one marble from one box at a time, without looking inside, and by this process of sampling you must determine the contents of all three boxes. What is the smallest number of drawings needed to do this?
People who solve one or more of these may leave their solution(s) in the comment section. I will email anyone wishing to know a solution if you request an answer from hank5@telus.net
Monday, December 6, 2010
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Three of Sam Loyd's Puzzles
Undoubtedly America's foremost puzzlist. Sam Loyd wrote his mammoth 'Cyclopedia of Puzzles' over dozens of years before his death. His son edited the tome and published it after his father's death, in 1914.
Included here are 3 typically brilliant Loyd creations. Readers who are challenged by these can obtain solutions by emailing me at hank5@telus.net.
Puzzle 1 - The Missing Link
A farmer had six pieces of chain of five links each, which he wanted made into an endless piece of thirty links.
If it costs the farmer 8 cents to cut a link open and 18 cents to have the blacksmith weld it together again, and if a new endless chain could be bought for $1.50, how much would be saved by the cheapest plan?
Puzzle 2 - The Leaning Tower of Pisa
If an india rubber ball is dropped from the Leaning Tower of Pisa at a height of 179 feet from the ground, and on each rebound the ball rises exactly one tenth of its previous height, what distance will it have traveled before finally coming to rest?
Yes, I know the thought might occur to some that it should never come to rest because it always rebounds one tenth of the previous bounce, but let's be realistic...
Puzzle 3 - The Ferry Boat Problem
Two ferry boats start moving at the same instant from opposite sides of the Hudson River, one boat going from New York to Jersey City, the other from Jersey City to New York. One boat is faster than the other, so they meet at a point 720 yards from the nearest shore.
After arriving at their destinations, each boat remains 10 minutes in the slip to change passengers; then it starts on its return trip. The boats again meet, this time 400 yards from the other shore. What is the exact width of the river?
This elegant little puzzle shows how seemingly difficult puzzles may be solved by just applying elementary arithmetic and a bit of common sense. It can be explained to a child in grade school, yet may flummox grown businessmen and academics.
Included here are 3 typically brilliant Loyd creations. Readers who are challenged by these can obtain solutions by emailing me at hank5@telus.net.
Puzzle 1 - The Missing Link
A farmer had six pieces of chain of five links each, which he wanted made into an endless piece of thirty links.
If it costs the farmer 8 cents to cut a link open and 18 cents to have the blacksmith weld it together again, and if a new endless chain could be bought for $1.50, how much would be saved by the cheapest plan?
Puzzle 2 - The Leaning Tower of Pisa
If an india rubber ball is dropped from the Leaning Tower of Pisa at a height of 179 feet from the ground, and on each rebound the ball rises exactly one tenth of its previous height, what distance will it have traveled before finally coming to rest?
Yes, I know the thought might occur to some that it should never come to rest because it always rebounds one tenth of the previous bounce, but let's be realistic...
Puzzle 3 - The Ferry Boat Problem
Two ferry boats start moving at the same instant from opposite sides of the Hudson River, one boat going from New York to Jersey City, the other from Jersey City to New York. One boat is faster than the other, so they meet at a point 720 yards from the nearest shore.
After arriving at their destinations, each boat remains 10 minutes in the slip to change passengers; then it starts on its return trip. The boats again meet, this time 400 yards from the other shore. What is the exact width of the river?
This elegant little puzzle shows how seemingly difficult puzzles may be solved by just applying elementary arithmetic and a bit of common sense. It can be explained to a child in grade school, yet may flummox grown businessmen and academics.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Relativity Problems
1. If Tom's father is Jerry's son, how is Jerry related to Tom?
2. Can you explain why it is impossible for a man to marry his widow's sister?
3. A big Eskimo and a little Eskimo are sitting on a block of ice. If the little Eskimo is the son of the big Eskimo, but the big Eskimo is not the father of the little Eskimo,what is the relationship between the two?
4. Ellen and Luke are aunt and nephew, respectively. "How can you be my aunt?", Luke inquired. "Although we're blood relatives, we're both the same age!" How is this possible?
5. Brothers and sisters I have none, but this man's father is my father's son. Can you explain this statement?
6. Two sisters are walking down the street. One of them said, "I want to stop by the school a few minutes and see my nephew." The other replied, "Since I have no nephew, I will walk on ahead." Explain how this is possible.
7. A man and his wife have three children between them. The husband has a daughter by a former marriage and the wife also had a daughter by a former marriage. They have a son by their current marriage. What is the relationship between the three children?
8. A young man and his sister were looking at an old photo album. Suddenly the young man pointed at a photograph of a woman and explained to his sister, "This woman's father was my father's brother-in-law." What relation was the young man's sister to the subject in the photograph?
9. As they were walking through their old family home, a man looked up, pointed to a woman's portrait and said to his son, "That woman's mother was my father's mother-in-law." What is the relationship of the man to the subject of the portrait?
10. An epitaph on a tombstone reads as follows: "Here lies the widowed wife of a widower." What is the least number of people involved in this epitaph? Explain.
ANSWERS
1. Jerry is Tom's grandfather.
2. Before a man can have a widow, he must be dead.
3. Mother and son.
4. Unusual, but possible: Either Luke's mother or father may have a sister the same age as Luke.
5. A man is speaking of himself.
6. One sister was the aunt of the boy, the other his mother.
7. The son is half-brother to the sisters; the daughters are step-sisters.
8. The mother's brother's daughter is the woman in the picture; she would be a first cousin of the brother and sister.
9. The man is either the son or nephew of the subject in the portrait.
10. Three: the widower, the widower's first wife, who died after she remarried and lost her husband, and the widower's second wife, who died and left him a widower.
2. Can you explain why it is impossible for a man to marry his widow's sister?
3. A big Eskimo and a little Eskimo are sitting on a block of ice. If the little Eskimo is the son of the big Eskimo, but the big Eskimo is not the father of the little Eskimo,what is the relationship between the two?
4. Ellen and Luke are aunt and nephew, respectively. "How can you be my aunt?", Luke inquired. "Although we're blood relatives, we're both the same age!" How is this possible?
5. Brothers and sisters I have none, but this man's father is my father's son. Can you explain this statement?
6. Two sisters are walking down the street. One of them said, "I want to stop by the school a few minutes and see my nephew." The other replied, "Since I have no nephew, I will walk on ahead." Explain how this is possible.
7. A man and his wife have three children between them. The husband has a daughter by a former marriage and the wife also had a daughter by a former marriage. They have a son by their current marriage. What is the relationship between the three children?
8. A young man and his sister were looking at an old photo album. Suddenly the young man pointed at a photograph of a woman and explained to his sister, "This woman's father was my father's brother-in-law." What relation was the young man's sister to the subject in the photograph?
9. As they were walking through their old family home, a man looked up, pointed to a woman's portrait and said to his son, "That woman's mother was my father's mother-in-law." What is the relationship of the man to the subject of the portrait?
10. An epitaph on a tombstone reads as follows: "Here lies the widowed wife of a widower." What is the least number of people involved in this epitaph? Explain.
ANSWERS
1. Jerry is Tom's grandfather.
2. Before a man can have a widow, he must be dead.
3. Mother and son.
4. Unusual, but possible: Either Luke's mother or father may have a sister the same age as Luke.
5. A man is speaking of himself.
6. One sister was the aunt of the boy, the other his mother.
7. The son is half-brother to the sisters; the daughters are step-sisters.
8. The mother's brother's daughter is the woman in the picture; she would be a first cousin of the brother and sister.
9. The man is either the son or nephew of the subject in the portrait.
10. Three: the widower, the widower's first wife, who died after she remarried and lost her husband, and the widower's second wife, who died and left him a widower.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
More Puzzles
Is the following set of figures a bunch of numbers, or letters?
Try to add the following column of figures by counting aloud, from top to bottom, and see what you come up with. I've tried this on 2 bank tellers, and they both got the wrong answer, but were amazed when they used a calculator.
A bit of thought, a bit of imagination,and you should take less than a minute to come up with the next figure which must follow this sequence.
Can you find the numbers 1 through 9 in the following drawing?
Context matters. If one reads the 3 figures from right to left, or left to right, the red figure reads as a letter, whereas if one reads the 3 figures in the vertical column, they are seen as a number.
Anyone needing help on any one of these, leave a comment in the comment section.
Try to add the following column of figures by counting aloud, from top to bottom, and see what you come up with. I've tried this on 2 bank tellers, and they both got the wrong answer, but were amazed when they used a calculator.
A bit of thought, a bit of imagination,and you should take less than a minute to come up with the next figure which must follow this sequence.
Can you find the numbers 1 through 9 in the following drawing?
Context matters. If one reads the 3 figures from right to left, or left to right, the red figure reads as a letter, whereas if one reads the 3 figures in the vertical column, they are seen as a number.
Anyone needing help on any one of these, leave a comment in the comment section.
Passport Control in Gaza
In light of the fascist behavior that Islam has forced the TSA at most US airports to enforce, may we present the level of screening present at Gaza for incoming visitors?
T
FLASH: Latest news from Israel indicates that they have developed a booth that questionable passengers who object to X-ray scans or personal, invasive searches step into, and that the booth contains electronic and chemical sensors which automatically detonate any explosives found on the passenger's body. The explosion is entirely contained within the sealed enclosure, including the sound so as to not unduly alarm other passenger. This is a win-win situation and seems so simple, it's nothing short of brilliant. Just think, a muffled explosion is followed by the PA announcement that another vacancy exists on El Al Flight Number...
T
FLASH: Latest news from Israel indicates that they have developed a booth that questionable passengers who object to X-ray scans or personal, invasive searches step into, and that the booth contains electronic and chemical sensors which automatically detonate any explosives found on the passenger's body. The explosion is entirely contained within the sealed enclosure, including the sound so as to not unduly alarm other passenger. This is a win-win situation and seems so simple, it's nothing short of brilliant. Just think, a muffled explosion is followed by the PA announcement that another vacancy exists on El Al Flight Number...
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