Saturday, April 12, 2008

Acerbic Sarcasms & Put-Downs

For those of you with a mean streak, or those who work thanklessly while others receive accolades and promotions, we offer this short selection of comments you may wish to make to rude co-workers, customers or (shudder) superiors.

1. Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you.

2. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.

3. Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.

4. Well, aren't we a damn ray of sunshine?

5. Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.

6. Do I look like a people person?

7. This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.

8. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.

9. Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.

10. Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?

11. I'm not crazy. I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.

12. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.

13. Do they ever shut up on your planet?

14. I'm not really your type. I'm not inflatable.

15. Stress is what you have when you wake up screaming and realize you haven't gone to sleep yet.

16. Back off! You're standing in my aura.

17. Don't worry, I forgot your name too.

18. I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.

19. Not all men are annoying. Some are already dead.

20. Wait... I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

21. Chaos, panic and disorder... my work here is done.

22. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

23. You look like shit. Is that the style now?

24. Earth is full. Go home.

25. Aw... did I step on your little itty bitty ego?

26. I'm not tense at all... just incredibly alert.

27. A hard-on doesn't really count as personal growth.

28. You are depriving some village of an idiot.

29. If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.

30. Look in my eyes... do you see one ounce of gives-a-shit?