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| GOP senator Brian Kelsey attempts to help clueless Obamacare czar Sebelius overcome the disastrous roll-out of the Unaffordable Health Act by handing her a copy of "Websites for Dummies." |
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
Monday, November 4, 2013
Helping Sebelius
Heh
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Life Lessons
Nothing is as stressful as trying to be a different person from who you are.
Amazingly, people think the things that happen to them happen only to them.
Some men I know spend more time maintaining their lawns than they do their relationships.
The most absolute dictator's power is not as great as a typical parent's power over their child.
I still place emphasis on appearance, even though I've run across quite a few well-dressed idiots.
Three things all children should know: (i) Who's the boss; (ii) What are the rules; and (iii) Who is going to enforce them?
I firmly believe that people who work 12 hours a day should go home with a bigger loaf of bread than people who work eight.
Some ideas are so incredibly stupid that only intellectuals can believe them.
Far more often than poverty breeds crime, crime breeds poverty.
It is better to be 0 for 20 than 0 for 0.
The older I get, the more heartfelt my prayers become.
Amazingly, people think the things that happen to them happen only to them.
Some men I know spend more time maintaining their lawns than they do their relationships.
The most absolute dictator's power is not as great as a typical parent's power over their child.
I still place emphasis on appearance, even though I've run across quite a few well-dressed idiots.
Three things all children should know: (i) Who's the boss; (ii) What are the rules; and (iii) Who is going to enforce them?
I firmly believe that people who work 12 hours a day should go home with a bigger loaf of bread than people who work eight.
Some ideas are so incredibly stupid that only intellectuals can believe them.
Far more often than poverty breeds crime, crime breeds poverty.
It is better to be 0 for 20 than 0 for 0.
The older I get, the more heartfelt my prayers become.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Why, Why, WHY???
Have you ever wondered why certain phenomena occurred, or puzzled over seemingly inexplicable events in our everyday lives? Here's a few of these puzzling things explained.
Hair darkens from birth onward as melanocytes intensify their activity up to about age 15, then stabilize until just after age 30. After that, the pigment production rate slows down and hair starts to turn grey until the rate ceases in old age and thus the hair turns white, the natural color of its proteins.
Of course, this process is reversed in the southern hemisphere.
1. Why does hair get darker after infancy and turn white in old age?
A child's developing hair becomes impregnated by hundreds of thousands of pigment cells called melanocytes, which produce 2 types of pigments, eumelanin (which darkens the hair black or dark-brown), and phaeomelanin (resulting in either blond or ginger hair.)Hair darkens from birth onward as melanocytes intensify their activity up to about age 15, then stabilize until just after age 30. After that, the pigment production rate slows down and hair starts to turn grey until the rate ceases in old age and thus the hair turns white, the natural color of its proteins.
2. Why do we yawn, and why is yawning contagious?
People yawn when there is a decrease in the oxygen level in the lungs and a resulting accumulation of carbon dioxide in the blood. This is usually an indication of sleepiness or hunger. Because this is a sort of nervous reflex, it can also happen by imitation.3. Why do Africans have such curly hair?
Evolution has equipped the people native to central Africa, where the temperatures commonly reach 40 degrees Celsius, with an effective weapon against overheating of the scalp (and thus of the brain.) Cerebral tissue begins to degenerate above about 40 degrees, so the hair's insulating cushion of tight, wiry "curls" and the scalp's secretion of natural oils helps to keep temperatures below danger levels.4. Why do bean plants wrap their tendrils counterclockwise around their support poles?
Bean shoots grow towards the sun to enable the process of photosynthesis to occur. In the Northern Hemisphere, as the sun moves east to west through the sky, the bean plants follow its path and thus wrap themselves counterclockwise around support poles.Of course, this process is reversed in the southern hemisphere.
5. Why do we get Goosebumps?
It's an indication that our body's defense mechanisms are functioning normally. When hair follicles constrict in response to low temperatures (seen on the skin as raised "goose bumps",) they also squeeze oils out of the sebaceous glands which lie in close proximity, to protect against cold.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
YES, You Can!
If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,
If you can overlook when people take things out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
If you can do all these things,
Then you are probably the family dog.
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,
If you can overlook when people take things out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
If you can do all these things,
Then you are probably the family dog.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Bumper Snickers #7
Interested readers might also consider previous Bumper Snickers in the Archive Section:
#1 (4/9/07); #2 (4/9/07); #3 (4/9/07); #4 (7/10/09); #5 (3/9/11); #6 (3/14/11).
They call it Self Defense because you do it.
Keep Honking! I'm reloading as fast as I can.
Seven of the ten voices in my head are saying "Don't Shoot!"
What should you feel if you kill a terrorist? RECOIL.
A friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move the body.
Peace through superior firepower.
A dead enemy is a peaceful enemy. Blessed are the peacemakers.
Happiness is a belt-fed weapon.
Gun Control is holding the handgun in both hands.
Gun Control is being able to hit the target.
War is not the answer. It's the solution.
I (heart) .308
Support the right to arm bears.
Save a child. Shoot a drug dealer.
Yeah, yeah the above are all gun related & violent. But if the president follows his anti-2nd amendment executive-order agenda, they are timely and relevant.
#1 (4/9/07); #2 (4/9/07); #3 (4/9/07); #4 (7/10/09); #5 (3/9/11); #6 (3/14/11).
They call it Self Defense because you do it.
Keep Honking! I'm reloading as fast as I can.
Seven of the ten voices in my head are saying "Don't Shoot!"
What should you feel if you kill a terrorist? RECOIL.
A friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move the body.
Peace through superior firepower.
A dead enemy is a peaceful enemy. Blessed are the peacemakers.
Happiness is a belt-fed weapon.
Gun Control is holding the handgun in both hands.
Gun Control is being able to hit the target.
War is not the answer. It's the solution.
I (heart) .308
Support the right to arm bears.
Save a child. Shoot a drug dealer.
Yeah, yeah the above are all gun related & violent. But if the president follows his anti-2nd amendment executive-order agenda, they are timely and relevant.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Advice for 18-Year Olds
1) "If you are buying something that you will use often and for a long time, never go cheap. You'll end up replacing it sooner or paying more in maintenance costs than if you had spent more on good quality in the beginning. Plus, you'll enjoy the nicer product throughout its lifetime, rather than cringing every time you use something that is falling apart."
2) Don't spend money on a credit card that you can't afford to pay back. The interest and late payments can put you in a hole that can take you years to pay back.
3) Compound interest is your friend. Saving even a relatively small percentage of your income each year, starting at 18, can leave you in much better shape by the time you're ready to retire.
4) If you're working with someone who can be bargained down on a price, it seldom hurts to try. The exceptions may be someone of exceptional talent, someone you're going to have to work with on a regular basis, or someone whose help you're going to need in a timely manner.
5) Try to keep enough cash to pay your bills for at least six months in reserve. It will make your life immeasurably easier if your car breaks down, you have a surprise medical expense, or you get an opportunity to get a fantastic bargain.
6) Dogs are fantastic animals. They deserve to be called man's best friend. But, if you are under the impression that you just need to buy a collar and a bag of dry dog food every month and you're set, you're in for a rude awakening. Dogs tend to be much more expensive and time consuming than you'd think.
7) "Don't have any children or get married until you can support and love yourself first." -- D-Vega
8) "Don't trade your vehicle in on a new one just a couple of years after buying it. Pay it off and ride it until (the wheels fall off), all while putting that car payment in the bank." -- The_Muck_Man
9) College is a lot more work than high school and your job will be a lot more work than college was.
10) Start looking for a new job BEFORE you quit your old job.
11) Don't take any job that only pays commission unless you're either an expert salesman or ready to spend months working without pay to gain the skills you need to become an expert salesman.
12) Ideally, you should choose something you love to do so much that you'd do it for free and find a way to make it into a career.
13) When asking for a salary, always have a figure you want in mind -- and then ask for significantly more than that number. That way, you may get more than what you want and even if you don't, you have a better chance of getting the amount you had in mind than if you had blurted it out right off the bat.
14) There's no shame in taking any honest job.
15) Getting fired or laid off isn't the end of the world. To the contrary, a lot of people, myself included, have moved on to bigger and better things after being laid off or fired.
16) If you're not happy with the job market, the government, or the schools in your area, remember that you can always move to another city or another state. Lots of Americans do just that every year.
17) "I wish that I had known to check the oil in my vehicles and to have changed it regularly. It would have saved a lot of money that I spent on repairs -- directly due to my lack of changing the oil per the mechanic." -- Ann H.
18) Lefty loosey, righty tighty. Turn it to the left to loosen it and to the right to tighten it.
19) Don't ever open a hot radiator cap or you can get seriously burned.
20) Here are 3 keys to keeping a reasonably clean house: don't leave any dishes in the sink overnight; every time you have a full load of clothes, wash 'em, and take out the trash every time the can is full. You do those things, wipe up your messes, and vacuum when the floor gets filthy, and you'll keep things reasonably neat.
21) If you use a computer even semi-regularly, it's worth your time to take a typing class.
22) It's not enough to buy a gun and stick it in a drawer like a lucky talisman. You need to learn to use the gun.
23) When you move, sell, throw away, and give away as much as possible or you'll just end up moving boxes from one closet, where they have been sitting for five years, to another closet, where they'll be sitting for the next five years.
24) Don't ever loan your friends money if you want to keep them as friends. After all, if they were good with money and were likely to pay you back in a timely manner, they probably wouldn't need the loan in the first place. If they really need the money, you want to help them, and you can afford it -- just give it to them.
25) Women should never allow a boyfriend to take naked pictures. If it's on film, you shouldn't be surprised if it goes public in one form or fashion after a break-up.
26) When men have a problem and they tell you about it, they want to know how to fix it. When women have a problem and they tell you about it, they just want you to listen.
27) If you ever get arrested, don't say anything until you talk to a lawyer.
28) If you don't know the agenda of the people you're getting your news from, then you don't have the information you need to know if what they're telling you is true.
29) Government is a necessary evil. It's best to keep its tentacles out of your life and out of our society as much as possible.
30) "When you're 18, you worry about what everybody is thinking of you; when you're 40, you don't give a darn what anybody thinks of you; when you're 60, you realize nobody's been thinking about you at all." -- Daniel Amen
31) Trust your instincts. They're usually right.
32) If you think a doctor's wrong, don't hesitate to ask for a second opinion. Your health is vitally important and doctors make mistakes just as often as anyone else.
33) Don't ever say anything that may offend someone who is going to be serving you food. You never know what they may stick in it when you're not looking.
34) If you get into a business deal with someone who goes to unusual lengths to convince you of how honest or Christian they are, watch your wallet and make sure you have an iron clad contract. They "doth protest too much."
35) "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." - Jim Rohn
36) If you want to do something exceptional, don't expect anyone to believe you can do it until you've done it. Unless you're already perceived as exceptional, most people won't believe in you. That's doubly true for the people who know you best and have therefore seen you at your most mediocre, like your parents, family, and friends.
37) If you don't feel like you're being treated fairly by a company, don't hesitate to ask for a manager. Oftentimes, a manager has gotten to where he is in a company because he is good at pleasing customers like you in the first place.
38) "You are not invulnerable and you are not going to live forever. You can (make) mistakes at 18 that you will have to live with for the rest of your life." -- Don_cos
39) Nobody owes you a living.
40) You are not a victim.
41) If you just assume that every conspiracy theory is wrong without even examining it, you will be right 99.99% of the time.
42) "It's likely that whatever challenges you have faced in your life currently could have been avoided but some better decisions upstream." -- Anonymous
43) At a minimum, keep a basic "to do" list, a schedule, and a budget.
44) "Excellence is the gradual result of always striving to do better." -- Pat Riley
45) "If you want your life to have impact, focus it! Stop dabbling. Stop trying to do it all. Do less. Prune away even good activities and do only that which matters most. Never confuse activity with productivity. You can be busy without a purpose, but what's the point?" -- Rick Warren
46) Ironically, successful people tend to fail a lot more than unsuccessful people. They also tend to ask a lot more questions.
47) When you consider Christianity, keep in mind this classic quotation from C.S. Lewis, "If I, being what I am, can consider that I am in some sense a Christian, why should the different vices of those people in the next pew prove that their religion is mere hypocrisy and convention?"
48) You beat 50% of the people by just showing up. You beat another 40% by working hard. The last 10% is a dogfight in the free enterprise system.
49) There are at least six key areas of your life: health, career, romantic, social, money, and religion. If you neglect any one of those areas, it will harm you in the other areas and keep you from being as happy as you can be otherwise.
50) When trying to decide between two closely matched alternatives, always have a bias towards action. In the long run, it'll lead to your having a lot more experience, great stories, and a richer, fuller life.
2) Don't spend money on a credit card that you can't afford to pay back. The interest and late payments can put you in a hole that can take you years to pay back.
3) Compound interest is your friend. Saving even a relatively small percentage of your income each year, starting at 18, can leave you in much better shape by the time you're ready to retire.
4) If you're working with someone who can be bargained down on a price, it seldom hurts to try. The exceptions may be someone of exceptional talent, someone you're going to have to work with on a regular basis, or someone whose help you're going to need in a timely manner.
5) Try to keep enough cash to pay your bills for at least six months in reserve. It will make your life immeasurably easier if your car breaks down, you have a surprise medical expense, or you get an opportunity to get a fantastic bargain.
6) Dogs are fantastic animals. They deserve to be called man's best friend. But, if you are under the impression that you just need to buy a collar and a bag of dry dog food every month and you're set, you're in for a rude awakening. Dogs tend to be much more expensive and time consuming than you'd think.
7) "Don't have any children or get married until you can support and love yourself first." -- D-Vega
8) "Don't trade your vehicle in on a new one just a couple of years after buying it. Pay it off and ride it until (the wheels fall off), all while putting that car payment in the bank." -- The_Muck_Man
9) College is a lot more work than high school and your job will be a lot more work than college was.
10) Start looking for a new job BEFORE you quit your old job.
11) Don't take any job that only pays commission unless you're either an expert salesman or ready to spend months working without pay to gain the skills you need to become an expert salesman.
12) Ideally, you should choose something you love to do so much that you'd do it for free and find a way to make it into a career.
13) When asking for a salary, always have a figure you want in mind -- and then ask for significantly more than that number. That way, you may get more than what you want and even if you don't, you have a better chance of getting the amount you had in mind than if you had blurted it out right off the bat.
14) There's no shame in taking any honest job.
15) Getting fired or laid off isn't the end of the world. To the contrary, a lot of people, myself included, have moved on to bigger and better things after being laid off or fired.
16) If you're not happy with the job market, the government, or the schools in your area, remember that you can always move to another city or another state. Lots of Americans do just that every year.
17) "I wish that I had known to check the oil in my vehicles and to have changed it regularly. It would have saved a lot of money that I spent on repairs -- directly due to my lack of changing the oil per the mechanic." -- Ann H.
18) Lefty loosey, righty tighty. Turn it to the left to loosen it and to the right to tighten it.
19) Don't ever open a hot radiator cap or you can get seriously burned.
20) Here are 3 keys to keeping a reasonably clean house: don't leave any dishes in the sink overnight; every time you have a full load of clothes, wash 'em, and take out the trash every time the can is full. You do those things, wipe up your messes, and vacuum when the floor gets filthy, and you'll keep things reasonably neat.
21) If you use a computer even semi-regularly, it's worth your time to take a typing class.
22) It's not enough to buy a gun and stick it in a drawer like a lucky talisman. You need to learn to use the gun.
23) When you move, sell, throw away, and give away as much as possible or you'll just end up moving boxes from one closet, where they have been sitting for five years, to another closet, where they'll be sitting for the next five years.
24) Don't ever loan your friends money if you want to keep them as friends. After all, if they were good with money and were likely to pay you back in a timely manner, they probably wouldn't need the loan in the first place. If they really need the money, you want to help them, and you can afford it -- just give it to them.
25) Women should never allow a boyfriend to take naked pictures. If it's on film, you shouldn't be surprised if it goes public in one form or fashion after a break-up.
26) When men have a problem and they tell you about it, they want to know how to fix it. When women have a problem and they tell you about it, they just want you to listen.
27) If you ever get arrested, don't say anything until you talk to a lawyer.
28) If you don't know the agenda of the people you're getting your news from, then you don't have the information you need to know if what they're telling you is true.
29) Government is a necessary evil. It's best to keep its tentacles out of your life and out of our society as much as possible.
30) "When you're 18, you worry about what everybody is thinking of you; when you're 40, you don't give a darn what anybody thinks of you; when you're 60, you realize nobody's been thinking about you at all." -- Daniel Amen
31) Trust your instincts. They're usually right.
32) If you think a doctor's wrong, don't hesitate to ask for a second opinion. Your health is vitally important and doctors make mistakes just as often as anyone else.
33) Don't ever say anything that may offend someone who is going to be serving you food. You never know what they may stick in it when you're not looking.
34) If you get into a business deal with someone who goes to unusual lengths to convince you of how honest or Christian they are, watch your wallet and make sure you have an iron clad contract. They "doth protest too much."
35) "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." - Jim Rohn
36) If you want to do something exceptional, don't expect anyone to believe you can do it until you've done it. Unless you're already perceived as exceptional, most people won't believe in you. That's doubly true for the people who know you best and have therefore seen you at your most mediocre, like your parents, family, and friends.
37) If you don't feel like you're being treated fairly by a company, don't hesitate to ask for a manager. Oftentimes, a manager has gotten to where he is in a company because he is good at pleasing customers like you in the first place.
38) "You are not invulnerable and you are not going to live forever. You can (make) mistakes at 18 that you will have to live with for the rest of your life." -- Don_cos
39) Nobody owes you a living.
40) You are not a victim.
41) If you just assume that every conspiracy theory is wrong without even examining it, you will be right 99.99% of the time.
42) "It's likely that whatever challenges you have faced in your life currently could have been avoided but some better decisions upstream." -- Anonymous
43) At a minimum, keep a basic "to do" list, a schedule, and a budget.
44) "Excellence is the gradual result of always striving to do better." -- Pat Riley
45) "If you want your life to have impact, focus it! Stop dabbling. Stop trying to do it all. Do less. Prune away even good activities and do only that which matters most. Never confuse activity with productivity. You can be busy without a purpose, but what's the point?" -- Rick Warren
46) Ironically, successful people tend to fail a lot more than unsuccessful people. They also tend to ask a lot more questions.
47) When you consider Christianity, keep in mind this classic quotation from C.S. Lewis, "If I, being what I am, can consider that I am in some sense a Christian, why should the different vices of those people in the next pew prove that their religion is mere hypocrisy and convention?"
48) You beat 50% of the people by just showing up. You beat another 40% by working hard. The last 10% is a dogfight in the free enterprise system.
49) There are at least six key areas of your life: health, career, romantic, social, money, and religion. If you neglect any one of those areas, it will harm you in the other areas and keep you from being as happy as you can be otherwise.
50) When trying to decide between two closely matched alternatives, always have a bias towards action. In the long run, it'll lead to your having a lot more experience, great stories, and a richer, fuller life.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Monday, December 10, 2012
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Quotable Quotes
"There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire, the other is to get it."
-George Bernard Shaw
"Sculpture is what you bump into when you back up to look at a painting."
-Ed Reinhart
"If one is forever cautious, can one remain a human being?"
-Solzhenitsyn
"I don't find any correlation between size and greatness."
-Woody Allen
"If you look just like your passport photo, in all probability you need the journey."
-Earl Wilson
"He who requires much from himself and little from others will be secure from hatred."
-K'ung Fu-Tse
"A man who knows that he is a fool is not a great fool."
-Chuang Tzu
"When there is sugar, there are ants."
-Malayan Proverb
"Don't be afraid about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats."
-Howard Aiken
"He who is afraid of asking is ashamed of learning."
-Danish Proverb
"Speak the truth, but leave immediately after."
-Yugoslav Proverb
"He who knows does not speak; he who speaks does not know."
-Lao Tsu
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
-Friedrich Nietzche
"Religion without science is blind. Science without religion is lame."
-Albert Einstein
"Any sufficiently advanced technology would be indistinguishable from magic."
-Arthur C. Clarke
"I'm not afraid of flying. I'm afraid of crashing."
-Neil Simon
-George Bernard Shaw
"Sculpture is what you bump into when you back up to look at a painting."
-Ed Reinhart
"If one is forever cautious, can one remain a human being?"
-Solzhenitsyn
"I don't find any correlation between size and greatness."
-Woody Allen
"If you look just like your passport photo, in all probability you need the journey."
-Earl Wilson
"He who requires much from himself and little from others will be secure from hatred."
-K'ung Fu-Tse
"A man who knows that he is a fool is not a great fool."
-Chuang Tzu
"When there is sugar, there are ants."
-Malayan Proverb
"Don't be afraid about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats."
-Howard Aiken
"He who is afraid of asking is ashamed of learning."
-Danish Proverb
"Speak the truth, but leave immediately after."
-Yugoslav Proverb
"He who knows does not speak; he who speaks does not know."
-Lao Tsu
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
-Friedrich Nietzche
"Religion without science is blind. Science without religion is lame."
-Albert Einstein
"Any sufficiently advanced technology would be indistinguishable from magic."
-Arthur C. Clarke
"I'm not afraid of flying. I'm afraid of crashing."
-Neil Simon
Sunday, October 21, 2012
A Modest Proposal
I'm sure that all of you have wondered about the intricacies of the USA voting system, where the nation's popular vote does not directly lead to the election of the president, but the Electoral College Votes do.
It is estimated that there are currently some 12 million illegal Mexicans living in the USA at any one time and also that almost all of them vote Democrat. That explains the strident insistence of President Obama and Attorney General Eric Holder to prevent individual states insisting on voters having Voter ID cards (even if obtained for free). Illegal aliens tend to reward the party that turns a blind eye to them being here illegally.
My proposition is to cut through the subterfuge and just allot a nominal number of electoral college votes to Mexico - say 25 - as the Mexicans in the lower 48 already vote anyway. This would validate their votes and keep the Democrats in the presidency for quite a few decades to come.
A few emails to Harry Reid or your state democratic member of congress should help this plan get implemented.
My proposition is to cut through the subterfuge and just allot a nominal number of electoral college votes to Mexico - say 25 - as the Mexicans in the lower 48 already vote anyway. This would validate their votes and keep the Democrats in the presidency for quite a few decades to come.
A few emails to Harry Reid or your state democratic member of congress should help this plan get implemented.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
Latest Medical Advice
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it .. don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
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