Showing posts with label Americana. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Americana. Show all posts

Friday, May 23, 2014

High School 1957 vs. 2022

Scenario 1:
Jack goes duck hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in the truck gun rack.
1957- Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2022- School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his pickup or gun again.  Psychologists are called in to help traumatized students and teachers. 

Scenario 2:
 Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.
1957- Crowd gathers.  Mark wins.  Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up good buddies.
2022- Police called and SWAT team arrives.  Police arrest both Mark and Johnny.  Both are charged with assault even though Mark admits he started it.  Both are expelled.

Scenario 3:
Jeffrey will not sit still in class, continually disrupting other students.
1957- Jeffrey sent to Principal's office where he is given a good paddling.   He then returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt the class again.
2022- Jeffrey is prescribed huge doses of Ritalin.  He becomes a zombie.  He's then tested for ADD.  Family receives extra money (SSI) from the government because Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario 4:
Billy breaks a window in a neighbor's car and his dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1957- Billy is much more careful, grows up normal, goes on to college and becomes a successful businessman.
2022- Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse.  Billy is removed to a foster home and soon joins a gang.  The state psychologist is told by Billy's sister that she remembers being abused also by her father, who is sentenced to a long prison term.  Billy's mom has an affair with the psychologist.

Scenario 5:
Mark gets headaches so he takes some aspirin to school.
1957- Mark shares his aspirin with the Principal at recess in the parking lot.
2022- The police are called in and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations.  His car is searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario 6:
Pedro fails high school English.
1957- Pedro is made to go to summer school, passes English next term, goes to college.
2022- Pedro's cause is taken up by the state.  Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that English as a requirement for graduation is racist.  The ACLU files a class-action lawsuit against the state school system and Pedro's English teacher.  English is banned from the core curriculum.  Pedro is given a diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns because he cannot speak English.

Scenario 7:
Johnny takes apart some left-over firecrackers after the Fourth of July holiday, pours the powder into a model airplane paint bottle and blows up a red ant bed.
1957- Ants die.
2022- ATF, Homeland Security and the FBI are called in.  Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism.  The FBI investigates the parents, all siblings are removed from the home and all computers are confiscated.  Johnny's dad placed on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario 8:
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee.  He is found crying by his teacher, who hugs him and comforts him while applying a bandage.
1957- In a short while, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2022- Mary, Johnny's teacher, is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job.  She faces 3 years in state prison.  Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.                    


Monday, November 4, 2013

Helping Sebelius

Heh
GOP senator Brian Kelsey attempts to help clueless Obamacare czar Sebelius overcome the disastrous roll-out of the Unaffordable Health Act by handing her a copy of "Websites for Dummies."

Monday, August 26, 2013

Musical Comedy

These are actual excerpts from grade-school students on classical music:

1.   Refrain means don't do it.  In music it's the part you better not sing.

2.  Handel was half German, half Italian and half British.  He was rather large.

3.  Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf.  He was so deaf he wrote loud music.

4.  Henry Purcell is a well-known composer a few feople have heard of.

5.  Aaron Copeland is a contemporary composer.  It is unusual to be contemporary.  Most composers do not live until they are dead.

6.  Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel.

7.  I know what a sextet is, but I'd rather not say.

8.  Caruso was at first an Italian.  Then someone heard his voice and said he would go far.  And so he came to America.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Bumper Snickers #7

Interested readers might also consider previous Bumper Snickers in the Archive Section:
#1 (4/9/07);  #2 (4/9/07);  #3 (4/9/07);  #4 (7/10/09);  #5 (3/9/11);  #6 (3/14/11).

They call it Self Defense because you do it.

Keep Honking!   I'm reloading as fast as I can.

Seven of the ten voices in my head are saying "Don't Shoot!"

What should you feel if you kill a terrorist?  RECOIL.

A friend will help you move.  A good friend will help you move the body.

Peace through superior firepower.

A dead enemy is a peaceful enemy.  Blessed are the peacemakers.

Happiness is a belt-fed weapon.

Gun Control is holding the handgun in both hands.

Gun Control is being able to hit the target.

War is not the answer.  It's the solution.

I (heart) .308  

Support the right to arm bears.

Save a child.  Shoot a drug dealer.

Yeah, yeah the above are all gun related & violent.  But if the president follows his anti-2nd amendment executive-order agenda, they are timely and relevant.