Laws for Computer Programmers

1.  A poorly planned program takes three times as long to finish than you planned.  A well planned program only takes twice as long.

2.  If builders built like programmers programmed, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization.

3.  If one program crashes, it will take equipment with it.

4.  Any program left running expands to fill all available memory.

5.  Any given program, when running correctly is obsolete.

6.  Adding more programmers to an already late project will make it later.

7.  Design a foolproof system and only a fool will use it.

8.  The system which cannot fail, will.

9.  Only fools use foolproof systems because everyone else makes it crash.

10. The number one rule in hacking:  There is no such thing as a foolproof system.

11. Design a hackerproof system and only a hacker will use it.

12. There are no hackerproof systems, only ones that slow hackers down.

13. Foolproof systems are much like alcohol proofs: 100-proof is only 50% alcohol.

Quotable Quotes

"There are two tragedies in life.  One is not to get your heart's desire, the other is to get it."
-George Bernard Shaw

"Sculpture is what you  bump into when you back up to look at a painting."
-Ed Reinhart

"If one is forever cautious, can one remain a human being?"
-Solzhenitsyn

"I don't find any correlation between size and greatness."
-Woody Allen

"If you look just like your passport photo, in all probability you need the journey."
-Earl Wilson

"He who requires much from himself and little from others will be secure from hatred."
-K'ung Fu-Tse

"A man who knows that he is a fool is not a great fool."
-Chuang Tzu

"When there is sugar, there are ants."
-Malayan Proverb

"Don't be afraid about people stealing an idea.  If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats."
-Howard Aiken

"He who is afraid of asking is ashamed of learning."
-Danish Proverb

"Speak the truth, but leave immediately after."
-Yugoslav Proverb

"He who knows does not speak; he who speaks does not know."
-Lao Tsu

"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
-Friedrich Nietzche

"Religion without science is blind.  Science without religion is lame."
-Albert Einstein

"Any sufficiently advanced technology would be indistinguishable from magic."
-Arthur C. Clarke

"I'm not afraid of flying.  I'm afraid of crashing."
-Neil Simon                              

More Laws and Axioms

Remember that not all the faculty has all their faculties.


You can get away with anything as long as you tell someone about it.


The grass is brown on BOTH sides of the damn fence.


A motion to adjourn is always in order.


People in groups tend to agree to things which they know individually are stupid.


Time is an illusion perpetuated by the manufacturer of space.


The Art of Diplomacy is saying "Nice doggie!" until you can find a big enough stick.


I have abandoned my search for truth and am now looking for a good lie.


Intelligence is when you can spot the flaw in your boss's reasoning. Wisdom is not pointing it out.

Axioms & Laws

Law of Accuracy
When working towards the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.

Berra's Law
You can observe a lot just by watching.

Sattinger's Law
It works better if you plug it in.

Naran's Law
If the answer makes sense, it's wrong.

Cole's Law
Thinly sliced cabbage.

Cole's Axiom
The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.

Grossman's Axiom
Complex problems have simple, easy-to-understand wrong answers.